Thursday, April 14, 2005

The Mighty Mouse

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If you abhor stories with mice and chamber pots in it, then skip this one.

It all began when I woke up one day all woozy from my staying up late the night before. I headed straight for the chamber pot, as the call of nature was exceedingly unrelenting.

[At this point, you might be wondering, why the hell do I keep a chamber pot? (Of course, you know what a chamber pot is, right?) Well, first, rest assured I keep the malodorous vessel as far away from my bed as possible. Second, the nearest restroom in the house is a good floor away, and as a person with slight bladder problems, I need to, yes, pee in the quickest time possible. Chorus ala Catholic responsorial psalm: Ooh, this is humi-liaaa-tiiiiing.]

Anyway, back to the story. So there I was, relieving myself of the burden, when I caught a glimpse of something black and round in the, uh, ‘liquid’. Being lightheaded and all, I absolutely disregarded it, replaced the lid on the chamber pot, and staggered to the bed.

That was 11:30 AM.

Fast forward to late evening. I was preparing to go to bed. I opened the chamber pot to relieve myself one last time before eight hours of sleep filled my bladder to the brim. The noxious smell which greeted me enlightened me to the fact that I had failed to, uh, ‘empty’ and ‘clean’ the notorious chamber pot (or at least, tell the maid to replace it with a second one).

But before I could, um, ‘perform my act’ (repeat chorus: Ooh, this is humi-liaaa-tiiiiing), I noticed something black and round in the ‘liquid’ move. I peered more closely despite the lethal odor.

By Jove, it was a snout of something, rather, some animal, breaking through the surface of the ‘liquid’!

That was 11:45 PM.

Disbelief swamped me. My puny mortal logic told me that whatever the poor thing was, it had been drowned in urine for more than twelve damn hours. I thought the thing was already dead, but then it moved again.

And so then awakened Corsarius the Animal Rights Activist, the noble one who lets cockroaches live, the noble one described by friends as “the fool who loves animals more than he loves humanity; ergo, he is a base animal unworthy of being called human” or something to that effect.

Corsarius fished out the poor thing with something OTHER than his hands (that I assure you; repeat chorus: Ooh, this is humi-liaaa-tiiiiing), and laid it gently on the wooden floor.

Guess what the poor thing was? A young, little mouse, its fur really really soaking wet with my pee. (Come on, sing to him: Ooh, that’s humi-liaaa-tiiiiing.)

And what’s cute is that the first thing the mouse did was to clean itself, sitting up and rubbing his tiny hands onto his nose. I nudged it away from the chamber pot, and patiently waited until it skittered into its shadowy domicile (which I believe was under my bed). Better that he grow up to nibble at my shoes than being dead and floating on an unforgiving sea of urine.


Now, that’s one Supermouse. Twelve hours with the lid closed and your nose barely breaking the amber ocean’s surface? Panalo!

Here I’m supposed to give some moral of the story, but I don’t actually know if this anecdote has a lesson to it. Oh well.

Final chorus: Ooh, this is humi-liaaa-tiiiiing!

Adieu for now.

*image from Neil Beck's Mighty Mouse Home Page.


Blogger transience said...

ohmigod. this is fucking hysterical! can't. stop. laughing.

(sorry, no wit today. you just saw to that.)

8:56 AM  
Blogger ia said...

I can't imagine you singing that chorus. It's gay...

9:16 AM  
Blogger Corsarius said...

to transience: wow. i didn't quite expect that reaction :D i actually thought people would get so turned off by what i wrote, haha.

(hm. no wit today for trans, eh? i guess i should flay myself for that! ::weeps:: i'm so sorry, dearie :p

9:06 PM  
Blogger Corsarius said...

to ia: you are so, so bad. and no, you can't make me sing such a high-pitched hymn. and no again, that "Catholic responsorial psalm" wasn't even meant to be high-pitched (well...bass?) :D

9:08 PM  
Blogger Corsarius said...

AuroraBorealis tagged on the cbox: "u start blogging for the 1st tym in a long tym, and u talk about one mighty mouse floating in ur urine? talk about grabbing attention!hilarious post!u jst made my day!"

wow. believe me aurora, u just made my day, too. if i can make someone a li'l bit entertained even though I'm at my "ickiest mode" of writing, then that makes one happy Corsarius :D

hm...let's see what kind of bunny I can pull out of the hat next time...

11:37 PM  
Blogger Mavi said...

*blank face* That was interesting. *giggles* It certainly raised my eyebrows; talk about seeing things/people in a new light. *guffaws* Where the heck did I put my blackmail notebook? This might come in handy sometime *swoons partly due to lack of oxygen* That was, uhm, interesting.

Oh, by the way, I learned an important lesson today: When any writer forewarns you, they usually mean it.

Eeek! A mouse!

3:23 AM  
Anonymous hera said...

that sure is one mighty mouse! hehehe. o baka naman na high na sya sa amoy. be careful, next time baka makasama mo pa si mighty mouse sa banyo. :D

i just learned that people still use arinola. kala ko mga lola na lang gumagamit non eh. hee. peace, corsarius! :p

4:45 PM  
Anonymous kai said...

why did you have to fish it out? ahahahahaha. :P

winner ang daga, di ba siya nasuffocate sa ammonia or whatever pee emits. hahaha. :P

7:45 PM  
Blogger Corsarius said...

to mavi: haha. well, i guess if someone blackmailed me about this, then the part where i "rescued" the little mouse would make animal lovers cry :D

to hera: no problemo! tamad lang kasi talaga ako bumababa pa sa CR. hm. actually, i think the next time i'm gonna see Mr. Supermouse is when he's grown up all fat from the piles of newspapers around here, hehe.

11:39 PM  
Blogger Corsarius said...

to kai: sorry ha, naawa lang talaga ako sa kanya :P ah, maybe i should already post my essay "Dead Cats" here in this blog.

oo nga...ammonia..urea...uric acid...ehehe ewan.. :D

11:41 PM  
Blogger kuya said...

just like what the mouse did, clean yours too. perhaps your room is much cleaner now before this comment.

i remember my childhood when I used to have a pet, a Dagang Costa, though he is less mighty because he was bitten by our pet dog and died.

nice job, pee-lip! :p

7:49 PM  
Blogger Corsarius said...

to jonas: oh no, my friend, just like what i've written, the chamber pot is miles away from my bed. my room is clean.

and please, that play on my name is simply awful. i don't want people calling me that.

8:44 PM  
Blogger Corsarius said...

naku, antaray pala ng previous comment ko. :D di po ako galit ha, dear readers.

2:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

that was really funny!!!! :D oi! musta na? -jo

9:19 PM  
Blogger - she - said...

hahaha! i'd have to agree with trans. this is one really hysterical post!

poor little mouse. good thing it got out of it unharmed, albeit drenched in, well... :)

2:41 AM  
Blogger Corsarius said...

to jo: heto, buhay pa naman, haha :p how about u? btw, may Blogger account ka rin ba?

to sheryl: yey! thanks! :D yes, the poor mouse lives. courtesy of your friendly neighborhood Corsarius! hehe.

2:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hehe, kilala mo ba ako? maraming jo sa mundo. pero eto, lj ako e. My Short-Circuited Mind visit ka naman some time...


9:47 PM  
Blogger Corsarius said...

to jo: siempre kilala kita, no. ^^ tska dati ko pa ini-istalk ang LJ mo, shioan. masipag din ako magclick ng magclick ng links ng LJ peeps. :p problem is, i can't comment on any LJ post. LJ regards Pacific Intenet as "spam ISP", kaya ayun.. :(

ingat po! daan-daan ako sa LJ mo regularly! (btw, add kita sa links ko)


1:23 AM  
Anonymous little light said...

nakakatawa nga. =)

8:46 PM  
Anonymous Champorado said...

I love it.

3:23 PM  

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