Friday, March 04, 2005


Just this morning, I passed by a public elementary school on the way to the University. Posted on its gate, an official barangay notice read: "Babala. Mapanganib ang lugar na ito."*

And to add to the stupidity of it all, the school was directly in front of a church.

*In English, "Beware. This is a dangerous place."


Humans are inherently selfish.**

"Do not do unto others what you would not have them do unto you." We refrain from inflicting harm upon others just because we're afraid. Afraid that the all-reaching hand of Karma will seek you and smack down its massive fist on your silly, wicked head as retribution. Afraid that you'll really pay for that 'evil thing' you did. And heck, the concept of Karma itself is both a whip to instill fear into the innate human wickedness and a candy-treat dangled for the pithy human goodness struggling to get out.

Why do you play the part of Mr. (or Ms.) Goody-Two-Shoes, even just from time to time? Oh, I see. So you can get into Heaven or Nirvana or whatever-Elysium-paradise-you-want-to-name. So you can save your ass from the Fires of Hell.

Or being reincarnated as a cockroach.

**Sorry guys. Mebbe I'm wrong here; I'm not out to start a moral (immoral) debate. Just feeling a little nasty today.

Bloody scratches.

I'm your typical unsure-if-I'm-an-alpha-male-but-heck-it's-good- if-I'm-one that perpetually feels the need to have an itch scratched.

I was itching to rise from the murk of my academic performance in the University. And so I strained my arm and scratched my back.

I was itching to live out my passion in journalism amidst computers and mathematics. And so I scratched.

I was itching to be productive and earn a few bucks in my free time. And so I scratched.

I was itching to be finally part of a family, a potent organization in UP. And so I scratched.

I was itching to take a stand in the trends and issues in the IT world -- open sourcing and related matters. And so I scratched.

I was itching to mold a brave, determined academic association in its infancy stages. And so I scratched.

Six scratches in one year. Quite a feat, actually.

But the last time I looked at my back on the mirror, I saw blood.

Yes, blood was seeping from my scratches -- crimson lacerations inflicted by eager nails, driven by an all-consuming scratch the itch.

Self-mutilating bastard.

[I want my free time back.]


Blogger ia said...

Friendster is good for one thing: ranting status messages every now and then in the About Me textarea. People transform it into a pseudoblog. Mine quotes Leni Bedspacer (I forgot which number): "KUNG PWEDE LANG MAMATAY MUNA!!!

I placed that last sem. And will apply perpetually, of course.

Indeed, I haven't felt this ngarag ever. But I guess I've always been about cramming.

I think I can still juggle extracurricular projects as long as there's extracurricular leisure. (Parinig ito; di ako nakapag-Kitchie Nadal. Hmf!) It's the acads that become the question marks.

Anyway, here's what I really intended to reply in the first place: Sado-masochist! And yet, still selfish. No matter what one does. Yes, it'll end up with that.

2:18 AM  
Blogger transience said...

self-mutilating bastard? i think it's because you have passion...and the passion is itching to come out and be fully expressed. wow. i'm seeing a sort-of new side to you. welcome back.

11:13 AM  
Anonymous AuroraBorealis said...

life's like that, ikanga nila, habang nabubuhay, my mga oras na mas gugustuhin mong mamatay!

ooops. i'm morbid again...

6:32 AM  
Blogger kuya said...

i refrain from inflicting harm upon others just because i'm so afraid of others' punishment. punishment comes in all forms. but the punishment that i can hardly take (again), is when the person(s) affected by the harm (though sometimes, it is not really meant as harm on my part) push(es) you around. i hate to be alone.
for that reason, i can be classified as a golden rule-preoccuppied. though, i certainly agree that one must not do good deeds just to save one self from hell. blame that to the Spaniards!
many would say "sobrang bait mo kasi Jonas...". i heard it many times, modesty aside. but i don't apply the golden rule (the affirmative one) every time i play mr. nice guy. "sanay na akong hindi masuklian...". but i don't want to be used to it.
on scratches...

hmmmm... these itches are not caused by "allergies" or resistance. in fact, they are caused by the opposite.

well, you don't want to be a regular. and that's the additional price of being differently special. it's not just you choose to be different from others. but you also want a change and to change.

scratches are supposedly skin-deep. this summer is medication session. o-oh. we don't have summer...

2:41 PM  
Blogger Corsarius said...

to transience: haha, thanks :D now, how about the dark side? Darth Corsarius, my dear trans. Coming soon to this blog.

to auroraborealis: i'm always morbid :p

3:42 PM  
Blogger Corsarius said...

ia said: "KUNG PWEDE LANG MAMATAY MUNA!!! BUHAYIN NYO NA LANG AKO NEXT SEM!!!" i agree. but this sem's fast drawing to a close...yahooo...

"Sado-masochist!" Thank you, Ia-chan. :D

to jonas: summer is a luxury for kids, hehe.

3:48 PM  

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